YOURS.I.AM..LOVE.YOU.I.DO.

Finally.

2010-02-24T15:20:00.002+08:00

No, you do not have to pinch yourselves. It is an update. Finally? I know. Things started to get really hectic and I finally found myself studying towards the end of the year, which explains my absence. SPM is now a part of my past, well, except for when the results come out next week. It can actually make or break my future, so keep your fingers crossed, people.

Updates, updates.

December 23rd.
Went shopping in midvalley, got two amazing dresses as prezzies. Thanks, love!

December 25th.
I now realize we didnt wish each other merry christmas. Ah, well.

December 30th.
It was our first anniversary. =]

Skipping January.

Skip.

Skip.

February.

Kenneth came over to stay.
Had loads of fun, seriously.

Valentine's day.
We did it our way. No fancy dinners, no overdone hullabaloo. We kept it sweet and simple. No elaboration.

Today.
I'm bored, so I've decided to revive this desolate blog.

Stats.
1. I'm giving tuition these days.
2. I havent learnt how to drive.
3. I'm freaking out over the fact that the SPM results are being released next freakin week.
4. Thats about it.

Till next time, bloggerito. Adios.

There should'nt be conflict.

2009-06-01T22:40:00.002+08:00

I love you.

I'll never love another the same way.

I shouldnt have to choose between you and my sister, simply because she's my sister.

I know she's be a pain but she's my sister.

And yet, strangely, I know I'd choose you if I had to.

She has my parents to fall back on.

I dont.

You're all I have.

You're all I want.

Oh God. I just came back from camp and it was really tiring.

Here's the list of activities.

Building a raft.

Jungle tracking.

Morning walk. [ 2 km ]

Repairing broken bridges.

Going through an obstacle course, army style.

Using the raft to cross the swimming pool.

Walking uphill again to complete the 4th task, the booby traps.

It was really tiring man.

I'm sore all over.

My legs are bruised like hell cos I fell from the hanging tyres in the obstacle course.

I had numbing spray on my arm coz I pulled a muscle.

Got bitten by a leech.

Had a bloody goose chase me.

After everything, it was a real experience.

Thank God I'm alive.

.a.m.y.

apologies.

2009-03-13T15:29:00.002+08:00

I am extremely sorry about this abandoned blog. I didnt mean to forget about it but in with all the recent happenings, this just slipped my mind.

SO. New updates.

1. I'm a little thinner than I was. Cheekbones are jutting out. Mums screaming at me to eat.

2. This Christmas, God heard my prayers and granted me love. Enough said.

3. I have officially stopped growing. Dont know why.

4. I'm very, very stressed out. Even the school hols doesnt feel like THE HOLS. Extreme amounts of homework, up and coming exams, seminars to attend, tuition classes, football matches and etc, etc. I'll be attending a 10 hour seminar in UM on sunday. I cant sit still for an hour, dont know how the hell I'm gonna get through this. There's an education fair in mid valley tommorow. I think I'll go. Maybe. But its gonna be crowded. I dont like crowded places.

5. I have finally decided that medical/physiotherapy will be what I'm heading for. But I'll still write. Probably in columns or something. Dont wanna let my grandma know that she won. She wants me to be a doctor. I told her I'll never be one.

6. My grandpa went through his second operation to remove his cancer growth successfully.

7. My mum will be admitted soon to get steroids jabbed into her back to widen the gap between the nerves coz she's suffering from slipped disc and her L4, L5 is the affected area.

8. These past two fridays, both on the 13th, have been miserable. I fell on my ass in nirvana, which is in the centre of bangsar on the 13th of feb. Today, I pissed my mum off, and she hasnt come back from the drive she took to calm herself.

9.This increasing pressure is getting to my head. I know I can handle a certain amount, but what if it gets too much. my parents are in no way pushing me at all. All they said was, 'make us proud'. Err, ok. Once I figure out how.

10. I have finally learnt how to play man bai on the guitar. Finally.

Thats it, I guess. Dont know what else to say. Damn tired. Didnt sleep this whole week.

Oh yeah, I love John Legend's new song, 'everybody knows'. Damn nice. Been singing it all week.

Ciao, for now.

A christmas carol.

2008-12-17T17:10:00.003+08:00

Dear blog,

On sunday there was a Christmas party in my church. It was really fun. Really. We got there around 12.30 and all the bouncy things were set up already. There was a bouncing castle and also a horizontal bungee jumping thing. But only on this one, you run instead of jump. Pretty fun. But I, the freakin genius, wore a dress. My mom told me wear something red or white. So I wore a dress with some red design at the bottom. And when I got there the dress code was like pants and a red or white top for all the helpers. I was like MUMMY!..I went there to help out the Youths with the game stalls and I ended up with Klinsmann, Adrian, Dino, Jeremy and Marques in the basketball stall. It was really fun coz I was the only girl and I didnt have to do any work other than sit there and look like a life-sized doll. Thats what they called me. LOL. I was bloody pissed coz I somehow just could not manage to get the damn ball into the hoop. So frustating. And then it rained donkeys and cows. Seriously freakin heavy. And it was the funniest sight in the world. Two clowns came and one of them was on stilts. Since the floor was slippery, they held hands. It looked seriously funny. It was like a pair of gay clowns. And we all went like, Awwww. Damn funny.

So yeah, most of the time was spent talking to people. Very fun. And I got home freakin tired. After taking off all my makeup, I realised I had a birthday party to go to, and I had to put it all back on. Damn it. I went there looking like a zombie.

Till next time.

amylynn.rebecca.nathan.

FFF.

2008-12-10T12:54:00.003+08:00

Well, almost everyone knows I'm a football freak who is so in love with Chelsea. To hell with you Gunners and Reds and Devils. Especially the Devils. Ish. Yeah, well what everyone doesnt know is that I am also like a really emotional and passionate fan. Die hard gila. I'm not just some girl who-likes-Chelsea-coz-they-wanna-get-close-to-the-guy-they-like kinda girl. I'm not. I've been a huge fan of CFC since I was eight. First football match I watched to the full was when Chelsea beat those Wolverhamptons 5-0. I loved their football. Honestly, I just did. My dad was grooming me to be an Arsenal and Bayern Munich fan but I took a different path. I guess one of the reasons I love football is coz my dad loves it, and he sees my passion for football as the son he never had. I dont even know if that makes sense.

Yeah, well, internationally though, I'm horribly split up. I have always loved the Netherlands. They play awesome football. My favourite player has to be Gio van Bronkhorst. He is just awesome. And, yeah, as said above, I'm a really emotional fan. When Germany lost to Italy 2-0, the amount I cried was just undescribable. I cried at home and when I went to school I cried some more. My dad had to come and bring me home early from school. It was crazy. Same thing happened when Portugal beat Holland 1-0. The amount of cards that were flashed during that game was insane. Someone should have sent off the referee. Seriously, the netherlands were left with 9 players and Portugal had Deco and Costinha sent off. That was one crazy game man. Should have been null and void. Stupid referee. Ish. The netherlands had like 70 % possesion. And yet they lost. Larh. but guess who scored?! Maniche. Chelsea unya orang. Aiyoo. Conflicted betul larh.

Enough. Tears are welling up again.

Like I said. Emo punya orang. No play-play when it comes to football. I dont give a shit if I have eyebags the size of manhattan the next day but I'll still watch my champions league matches. Even when I had my mid terms I was still watching football and sitting for my exams in a half zombie-state. I'm just weird that way. I remember football facts better than I remember history facts. I know. I'm a freak.

And yeah, by the way, FFF is not the France thingy but it actually stands for Freakin Football Freak. Thats what my mom calls me when I wake up to watch matches in the wee hours of the morning. =]

Matrimony sucks.

2008-12-05T15:18:00.002+08:00

So, I have good news and bad news. First, the good news, we're landing immediately. Bad news is, we're crash landing.

I'm gonna post the good news and the bad news.

Good News - There's probably gonna be a wedding coming.
Bad news - My grandma wants it to be mine.

Good news - Its illegal.
Bad news - She doesnt care.

Good news - She hasnt found someone.
Bad news - She's looking.

Enough.

So, yesterday we went to KLCC. Jerome came as well. [ You wouldnt believe how many ppl think he's my boyfriend. He's not] We had lunch and then we went to watch madagascar 2. It was freakin funny. Couldnt stop laughing. Chris Rock is just amazing. And foofie, the blanket, so adorable. It was pretty fun.After that we went to my grandma's house for her b'day. Forgot to bring my camera, whoopsie daisy. Then after dinner we went for the Christmas cantata practice. It was a total disaster. From my point of view, that is. I was havin a superly bad hair day. Then my voice cracked in the middle of my solo for everyone to hear. So freakin embarassing. And then, I got scolded for talking. And then, nvm. Not gonna post it here. But I think that part pissed me off the most. Nothing to do, dont come. Thats all I'm gonna say.

So yeah. If you find a good future candidate, kill him. And dont tell my grandma.

Sigh.
Miss Independant.

I dont wanna change the world.

2008-12-02T14:51:00.002+08:00

I feel like dying. I've got nothing to do. I think its the lack of sleep but it might just be more than that. Its been days since I last talked to you and I hate the fact that I left the conversation just hanging. I didnt acknowledge you later that evening and I feel even worse about it. I'm sorry. I know I should have but I was really, really stressed up and I was afraid that if I talked to you I would have released my anger on you. I lose my temper more and more easily these days. It scares me. You see right through me and I was shaken at how accurate you were. I dont want you to know that you scared me by seeing who I really was on the inside. I dont want you to know that I miss you. I do. I miss talking to you and I miss falling off my chair while laughing at your ridiculous jokes. I just miss you. I'm sorry. I feel like shit. Now will you forgive me? I seriously feel trapped up. Like I cant breathe. Like my airways are closing up. I hate this feeling. I dont know what it is and that scares me more. Do me a favour. Please. You have to stop hating yourself. Maybe then you'll see, that it can get better, if only you'd try. It not gonna be easy. But I'm here for you every step of the way. I'm not perfect and at times, I wont know how to make you feel better. But just knowing that you're there, helps. If everyone else takes you as a joke, I take you seriously. If everyone else thinks you're worthless, I think you're worth more than all of them put together. If anyone thinks you're better of dead, I'd make sure they're dead. I'd do this. And everything I say is not said to make you feel better, its to remind you that you mean something and the fact that you're always there is priceless. Thanks for being a great friend. You make it real for me. The lyrics to this song matches my life. Perfectly.

Its never really over till its over.

Thanks.

You've always kept me rooted to the ground, instead of buried six-feet under it.

Video

2008-12-02T14:26:00.001+08:00

The bloody video takes too freakin long to upload on blogspot so I posted it on youtube. Go watch ok. But right now youtube is doing some maintanence, but I'll do it soon.

Damn blogger.

2008-12-01T19:02:00.019+08:00

Prema and the kid.

Jerome's bling. Was obsessed with it.

The kid and Jesslynn.

The Grandchildren.

The kids.

It was my grandma's B'day on Saturday and we had a party for her. Here are some pics. I dont have that many coz I was too busy having fun. =]

The kid with short hair and Samantha.

The same kid and Prema.

Its kinda blurred. I was shaking.

The kids who sang that day.
I sang too, but I'm not in there.
Coz I was taking the pic.
And you knew that.
So, I didnt have to explain that.
Hey, Amy? Shuddup.

Jerome and the kid.

Monica and the kid.

I'll upload the video some other time.

Freakin thing takes like 10 hours to feckin upload. Ish.

Its really, really shaky coz my sis is really skinny, so she was blown away by the speakers.

So while recording, she was singing. The off key part is her lah.

The nice sound is coming from yours truly.

Drastic measures.

2008-11-30T14:07:00.002+08:00

Shite. I got my hair cut wayy to short again. Damn me. I suck at telling people what to do. The last time I ended up looking like a China Doll and now I look like my mum. Damn lah. I'll upload a couple of pics to prove my point. No one is allowed to laugh. Trust me. I'll know if you do. Hah.

The story behind the drastic cut.

I went to the shop that I always go to. I told the stylist that I wanted it to be shoulder length. Then the genius of a woman made it neck length. I was horrified. But she had already cut. There was nothing I could do to stop her. Then when she dried my hair, it actually looked kinda okay lah. But everyone was like, what did you do to your hair?! I was like, Erm, nothing much. Just chopped it off. Ish. Nevermind. It'll grow back.

Sigh.

It's geniuses like this that piss me off.

..amy..

Ugly idiots.I had to. I'm sorry. NOT.

2008-11-26T20:04:00.006+08:00

While I was listing the managers, a lightbulb flickered to life in my head. What if I make a list of the ugliest players in the EPL? Great thinking, I told myself. What a great way to get back at those MU fans out there.

1.

Carlos Tevez.
Looks freakin moronic.
Runs around the pitch for
no apparent reason.
Runs after players instead of the ball.

2.

Wayne Rooney.
Hot-tempered, foul-mouthed idiot.
Known for applauding referees.

3.

Edwin van Der Sar.
He's Dutch and pretty good.
Only coz he's Dutch.

4.

Rio Ferdinand.
Pretty good as well.
This is a fact.
But he's ugly.

5.

Gary Neville.
Spends half his life in the sidelines, injured.
Old crackpot.
His backpasses are dangerous.
Own goal pro.

Managed to do it.

2008-11-26T19:49:00.003+08:00

4.

Meet Jose Mourinho.
He is a pain.
But he's hot.
And he managed Chelsea.

3.

This is Slaven Bilic.
He's younger than Jose.
And hotter.
The Croat who beat England.

2.

Josep Guardiola.
Manages Barcelona while looking hot.
Pretty young as well.

1.

Ok, ok.
I know you guys will be wondering why he's first.
Its coz he's stylish.
And smart.
And also coz I like Germany.

=]

Biased? I know.

So here's the list. Mr. LCC?..What next?

.amylynnrebeccanathan.

Coming soon.

2008-11-23T10:11:00.002+08:00

Ok, since Mr. LCC is so convinced that his list of players are hotter than mine, I've decided to make a list of his hottest players. And also a list of the hottest managers. But this one, I'll do it my way.

Its gonna come soon. I promise. I've got no time today.

Allergies. Ish.

2008-11-22T13:24:00.002+08:00

Shit man. That was one bad allergic reaction. My throat swelled up and I started to choke. Damn, bloody shellfish almost killed me.

Geez, I wish I didnt have this many allergies. I'm such a pain to look after. I'm surprised my mum didnt throw me out when I was a kid. She must have loved me a lot. Hmmm. I had allergies almost every week and had to be looked after very closely. Geez. That also explains all my near death experiences.

Recount.

Total allergy reactions = Countless.

Things I'm allergic to=

a] Dust
b] Red Bull
c] Prawns
d] Mushrooms
e] Certin preservatives
f] Belacan
g] Balloons
h] Plastic chairs
i ] Heinz baby food
j] Certain spices
k] Gold earrings

I cant think of anymore. But it will pop up. I'm kinda forgetful.

Near death experiences = 3.

I almost died twice from being hit by an oncoming vehicle while crossing the road. Ok, yeah, I'm blind. Once, I forgot to look right, left and right again [ or is it the other way round?..who cares], and almost got hit by a car. He swerved and almost hit a motorcycle next to him. So, I almost caused the death of another person as well. Another time was when I was crossing the road with my sis. She ran across and the car missed her but it nearly hit me when I ran after her. eez, the sound of the tyres screeching still haunts me sometimes. But she was really small that time, so I TRY not to put too much of the blame on her. It doesnt work most of the time, but hey at least I try.

Another time was when I had one of the worst allergic reactions in my life. I didnt eat prawns but my dad forgot to tell the lady not to put any prawns in my mee. When I got home, I was sitting in front of the computer and all of a sudden I couldnt freakin swallow. Then I realised it was getting harder to breathe. I ran to the kitchen to get my pills but I couldnt find them. I felt very hot and passed by the mirror to find myself so red in the face. Then I called my mum and she told me she had put a couple in my bag. I ran and found it and took 3 at once. I'm actually only supposed to take 1. But I was dying. You cant blame me for wanting to freakin live.

My mum rushed home and by then I was already sleeping on the couch. This antihistamine makes me really drowsy. So yeah, she checked if I had a pulse. Lol. I know. She totally overreacted. But I was breathing fine. Then she woke me up and asked me how many pills I had taken. When I told her 3 she scolded me and asked me whether I was trying to overdose. I was like, 'Ma, I almost died.' Then she was like,'You never do this again, you hear me.' And I said, 'well if thats the case you better tell Daddy to stop trying to kill me by putting prawns in my mee.' Lol.

And this is the story of how the world almost got rid of a public nuisance.

This is the conversation between me and my conscience.
Red is me. Blue is my conscience.

I wonder what it would be like if I werent here. I'm just curious.

Curiousity kills the cat, Amy.

Ok, ok. I wont be curious.

Great..Now get your ass of that seat and go and eat something.

I cant..I'm on a diet remember.

But your conscience is hungry.

Well, too bad.

You're one mean human. It sucks to be your conscience.

I know. Even my conscience doesnt want me.

You got that right.

Oh, shuddup.

.amylynnrebeccanathan is hereby certified temporarily insane.

.She should be back soon.

You with me?

2008-11-21T23:17:00.002+08:00

So, today I went for choir practice. First we stopped to pick Jeremy up from the Caltex in Maju Jaya, then we went to have dinner at the chinese restaurant nearby. Then we headed to fetch Joshua and went straight to church. When we got there, we learnt that we had to climb up four floors to the classroom. Geez. Damn tired. Its been a long time since I climbed any form of stairs.

So yeah, well when we got there, not many ppl were there, so we just hung around. And then when the singing started, thats when the trouble begin. We did 5 songs already. Then during the third song, its called, 'hark the herald, angels sing', and yeah, this lady, outta no where, came and told us that the girls were overpowering the boys. So I got pretty pissed of lah. You come late, then you dont sing, and just stand around and criticise. Irri-freakin-tating. I rolled my eyes and her daughter saw. Then, she told her mum to stop it. Thank God. If she didnt I would have said, 'Hey woman, why dont you just go run along and form your own choir then.' Damn annoying. Another thing that pissed me off was that, she told the boys to maintain and the girls to shush a bit. There were 20 girls and 10 boys. They gotta sing louder lah. We cant whisper and sing coz the songs are so freakin high.

Ish. Stupid lady. Oh, yeah. And another thing irritated me but I'm just not gonna say it here. I know the person concerned reads this so...its censored.

I've got a cough now. Damn it. Ish.

oh yeah, I need to fit into a size two dress. Thanks to my mum, who bought it thinking her daughter was a freakin size two supermodel. I'm not. I normally go for size 4's so that I actually have room to breathe. So, to solve this dilemma of mine, I've gotta go on a crash diet. I've stopped eating. I didnt eat lunch today. Took two spoons of mee for dinner and ate two pringles. Thats it. And I allowed myself I square of white chocolate. Thats it. It should work. Excpt for the fact that I feel like dying, I'm good. All this excess weight is gonna be gone like the wind. =]

I hope.

Till next time, adios, amigo.

The soundtrack of my soul.

2008-11-20T21:47:00.002+08:00

This song is my life, and trust me, I really mean it. I also know that it means a lot to other people too, so I'm not gonna claim it as mine.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
Watch you smile while you are sleeping,
While you're far away dreaming.
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,
I could stay lost in this moment forever,
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure.

Don't want to close my eyes,
I don't want to fall asleep,
Cause I'd miss you baby,
And I don't want to miss a thing.
Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream will never do,
I'd still miss you baby,
And I don't want to miss a thing.

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating,
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming,
Wondering if it's me you're seeing.
Then I kiss your eyes,
And thank God we're together.
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever,
Forever and ever.

Don't want to close my eyes,
I don't want to fall asleep,
Cause I'd miss you baby,
And I don't want to miss a thing.
Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream will never do,
I'd still miss you baby,
And I don't want to miss a thing.

I don't want to miss one smile.
I don't want to miss one kiss.
I just want to be with you,
Right here with you, just like this.
I just want to hold you close,
Feel your heart so close to mine,
And just stay here in this moment,
For all the rest of time.

I'll never love another song after this one. Its the soundtrack to my life.

A tribute to a new beginning.

2008-11-20T09:37:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was the day when I finally learnt that I cannot talk about my grandpa without crying. Its just natural. I miss him too much. Its been 12 years since he has gone but it still feels like yesterday.

Being the youngest granddaughter, at that time, I was asked to place a single rose on his coffin before thay covered him up. They took a photo of me doing that. When I saw the photo recently, it just hit me really hard. That single white rose brought back memories that were buried deep within.

I should have taken one more last look at the coffin.
I should have smiled more and cried less when he was around.
I never should have made him tired by asking him to tell me so many stories.
I should have stayed long enough with him.
I shouldnt have run away to play with my cousins when they came over.
I should have been there when he said his last goodbye.
I should have been older.
I should have been stronger.
I should have thanked him for all the gifts he bought me.
I should have hugged him longer that Christmas.
I should have...

Its my fault.

Regrets.

There is no point to it but it is here to haunt every single soul that lives here on earth.

I just wanna start again.

I'm gonna take a chance.

I'm not gonna forget you, but I'm sure as hell gonna treasure every moment spent together.

I'm gonna start again.

But this time, I'll do it differently.

No more moaning about the time we wasted.

No more regrets.

I love you.

I miss you.

You'll always be in my heart.

This I promise you.

I'll cherish every moment spent with you.

I'm putting my regrets behind me.

Thanks for the memories.

.amy.

Its not easy to be me.

2008-11-19T20:41:00.003+08:00

Hmm.. Have you ever had anyone pressure you to become someone you dont wanna be?

I'm going through it. Right now.

So, my great grandma thinks I should be a doctor because journalism is a feckin waste of time. So she says. She doesnt know how much it means to me. I finally have a passion, a desire to do something I'm really interested in, and then she says this. But then, why am I not surprised. Oh yeah. She does it all the time. It was my sister's first holy communion in church, its like a big event ok. For those who dont know. So yeah, for the mass I wore a lace red top, with a black tank top inside. It wasnt black, black. But when I came home, she narrowed her eyes at me and said, ''Amy its such a big day for your sister and yet you have to wear black.''

I'm not that naive.

I wont do as you wish, for servitude is not what I asked for when I came to this world.

Yeah, well its my sisters big feckin day, NOT MINE. Which part of that dont you get. And for the dinner, I purposely wore a black dress with dark eye shadow and stuff. She looked at me and shook her head, and I couldnt have cared less. Then she went to my mom, saying, ''Anne, what is this ah, why cant Amy wear a nice white dress or some bright and cheerful colour.'' My mom didnt say anything. Coz she knows what would happen if she agreed with my great grandma. I would have skipped the dinner entirely. Feckin irritating man. I dont wanna interfere lah. Its my sisters day, why should I wear white. Do you wear white for a wedding, no right. What the feckin hell is your problem. Not every single Tom, Dick and Harry is bright and cheerful all the feckin time ok. So happens that I dont wanna look like feckin Bozo the clown by wearing feckin bright colours.

I dont wanna be who you want me to be, damn it.

Ish. Damn pissing off. She ruined my entire night. And yeah, she feels, very strongly, mind you, that I should take biology, so that I can become a doctor. I didnt tell her that I took accounts this whole year coz I knew she would have said something. Not that I give a damn but its starting to get on my nerves. She wants me to be a feckin doctor. She said it has always been her dream to have a doctor in the family. Well, why cant someone else be the doctor?. Why must it always be me?. Why must I always be the scapegoat in all your evil feckin plans that you think up endlessly while sitting and moaning about your pathetic life. Argh. I'm sick and tired already lah. If only I didnt love my great grandpa so much, I would have enjoyed telling her that not every moron in the world desires to be a doctor.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Didnt work. I'm still pissed off. Geez. Now, I'm gonna go piss her off my dragging my feet when I walk. She hates that. Muahahahahahahha. Then I'm gonna sing some song with all foul words in it. The, I'm gonna slurp as I drink my soup. Then I'm gonna hunch while walking. And then, last but not least, I'm gonna sit like a lazy sloth and slide down the chair. Sigh. Now, I'm happy.

Ciao.

.amylynnrebelliousnathan.

Crazy bugger.

2008-11-15T22:15:00.002+08:00

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

How can it be the last day of school?!

I havent had enough fun yet!

No!!

Rewind!

I demand a replay!

Yesterday was the last day of school for the year 2008. We have just retired from being fourth formers and it was really tough to hand over our post as junior seniors. I cant believe we're gonna be 17 next year. Holy crap. It hit me real hard yesterday when I realised that in only 12 months, that 52 weeks, that 365 days, excluding this year, and we will be leaving our high school life behind us.

Holy Majolie! Its hard to imagine not entering the class every morning and then walking out when a teacher walks in. Do you notice that we sometimes forget to say hi to our frinds when we arrive in school? But after we leave school, when we reunite, I'm pretty sure everyone of us will say hi. And the goodbyes will be even longer. Sigh.

The evolutionary twist. I'm not really into it. I dont wanna leave school. I'll miss annoying the juniors, walking around like as though we own the place. That was fun. Tonnes of memories are embedded in this school. This is where we spend half our lives as kids and as teenagers. Yikes, let me stay, please, I beg of you!

Ok. This is one pathetic post. I'd be leaving this blog, if I were you.

Coz the publisher is one hell of a nutcase.

.amylynnrebeccanathan.

I'm still alive but barely breathing.

2008-11-10T21:46:00.003+08:00

I totally love this song. But I kinda tweaked the words here and there. Its not the exact version.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while he's got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

His best days will be some of my worst

He finally met a girl thats gonna put him 1st

While I'm wide awake he's got no trouble sleeping

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you

What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok

I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason

But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Cos he's moved on while I'm still grieving

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

One still in love while the other ones leaving

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

You got her heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame.

Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains

Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

The script - breakeven.

Incredulous.

2008-11-10T21:20:00.002+08:00

My mums back. Thank God. I'm sick of screaming at my sis to clean up. My mum can now resume her duties.

Panic attack! Is it really happening? Somehow being hit on is so surreal.

Its not just me and my overly active imagination, right?

Why me? Seriously. No one else ah?...

*This post was posted during a period of total insanity.
Keep out of reach of children.
Choking hazard.

Amy.

Pics!

2008-11-07T11:01:00.003+08:00

I'm really bored. I've nothing to do. Honestly. Well, there are chores to finish but we'll just pretend they're invisible.

Just some random pics.

My uncles b'day cake. The theme was Hawaii 50.

On the way there. Boredom got to us.

Helium balloons! My pavrito! [favourite]

I'll post some more later lah.

Lazy amy.

Football, football. I love thee.

2008-11-05T14:03:00.007+08:00

Common misconception = Girls dont like football.

The right concept = I like football. Who gives a damn about the rest of you?

So here are 11 of the hottest players in international football. Leave a comment if you disagree with me, k.

10. Freddy Ljungberg, Sweden. Former Arsenal player.

9. Jonny Evans, Nothern Ireland. MU. Bluek.

8. Carlos Bocanegra, USA.

Currently playing for Stade Rennais, France.

Formerly at Fulham.

7. Cristiano Ronaldo, Portugal. Currently at MU.

I know what you're thinking.

Why is he 7th?

Its cause I dont like him.

6. David Beckham, England.

Currently at LA Galaxy.

Jan 7 = AC Milan, on loan.

5. Fabio Cannavaro, Italy.

Currently at Real Madrid.

4. Yoann Gourcuff, France.

Currently at Bordeaux,

on loan from AC Milan.

3. Victor Valdes, Spain.
Currently at Barcelona.

2. Robin van Persie, Netherlands.

Currently at Arsenal.

1. Lukas Podolski, Michael Ballack, Germany.

Lukas is at Bayern Munich.

Michael is at the best club ever, Chelsea.

I'm scaring the crap outta me.

2008-11-04T00:08:00.003+08:00

Have you ever wondered what you would do if you were diagnosed with cancer?

I'm just curious. I dont even know how I would react. I guess I would tell no one. I hate sympathy. Thats just me.

Ok, never mind that sudden whim. It was a mere thought.

Oh yeah, everyone, I have not gone totally insane. I'm just not sitting for my finals. Dont ask me why but I just refuse to sit for the rest of it. I will sit for the papers that I like and nothing more. I will come one Wednesday, Thursday, Monday and Wednesday and Friday. Thats it.

Its not a waste of tuition or anything, its just that due to recent events, I have been going unarmed in the exam battlefield. I dont like that feeling. I'm still gonna study, yes, but I'm just not gonna be tested. And I have absolutely nothing to lose, as I'm gonna be in the same class next year. That is something no one can alter.

Call it an intuition if you must, but my heart is set on my decision and my mind obeys without resistance.

I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little unwell,
I know, right now you can't tell,
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see,
A different side of me.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired,
I know, right now you don't care,
But soon enough you're gonna think of me,
And how I used to be,
Me.

I've got other things on my mind, and how much can this hurt me anyways.

The time has come for change.

I dont wanna be the same old, same old.

I wanna be just who I am right now.

Everything just seems so clear.

Am I having the clarity I longed for when everything was shrouded in misery?

Is this what I want?

I want to be able to live without second-guessing myself.

To do that, would be the greatest thing I have ever achieved.

I think I should.

To hell with your opinion.

Its.my.opinion.that.matters.and.not.yours.

Miss Independant.

oh, yeah.

Continuation of anger management.

2008-11-04T00:05:00.003+08:00

and I stare her down and I tell her not to tempt me into commiting murder. She scoffs and challenges me to it. I back away, giving her the impression that I was walking away, but then I turned back and hit her so hard across her legs. The next day, her leg was bruised.

See, this is what I'm implying when I say that I'm a sleeping dragon. Dont awake me, or you'll pay the price.

Anger management.

2008-10-24T13:44:00.002+08:00

Dear Superman,

I smile. I laugh. But on the inside I am dying.

When will I realise that being superficial is only a short term solution to my troubles.

Hey Betty, you are beautiful.
Just felt like typing that.
The song is in my head.

I made history in school today. I scored the lowest marks in add maths. How do you think my mom is gonna react huh?...Shes gonna say, ' Is it possible, no seriously, can anyone be this stupid?'...And then I'm gonna lose my temper and stamp my feet and run somewhere. And this is where my guitar comes in. I release my anger on my guitar so much so it has scratches and marks everywhere. This is why I need a new guitar for Christmas.

:] Please?

Talking about temper tantrums, I lost my temper badly yesterday. Quite a long time since I did. I'm the kind of person who takes whatever you throw at me. Insults, criticism, and even an occasional punch or kick from my sister. But once you piss me off, and taunt me about it, you're dead. Just like that I flare up and either I start throwing things or I hit you. And hit you hard.

So yesterday, my sister decided to piss me off. She had tuition at 8 o'clock but she wanted to watch the devil wears prada for the gazillionth time. I told her no and dragged her to the table. So she had her tuition and I watched tv. When she finished at like 9.25, she came and said she wanted to watch. I said no coz I was in the middle of watching the amazing race asia. Then she started the waterworks. She was cring so loudly on the other couch that I got irritated and told her to shut the hell up. She didnt and went to call my parents to complain. They were out, mind you. When they told her to let me watch till the end, she slammed the phone down and started banging the phone on the table. That again irritated me slightly. I told her to shut up again. Then when it was a commercial break, I went to get my pillow from the room and she idiotically sat on the couch and started watching. I decided I was gonna let her watch anyway, so I didnt say a thing. Then she pisses me off by kicking me when I went to take my pillow from the couch. She thought I was going for the remote. Then she said, you deserve it moron. And kicks me again. [This is where I lose my temper.] I calmly put my pillows down, [they're innocent pillows], and then I give her a sharp whack across her leg. She remains defiant and pulls a face. I clench her jaw....

To be continued.

Keep them safe.

2008-10-23T19:47:00.004+08:00

Dear blog,

Do you think I should sit for the rest of my finals?

Blog - Yes.
Amy - But I dont feel like sitting for it.
Blog - Then dont.
Amy - Do you think my 'rents will become hysterical and swing a chair at me if I dont?
Blog - Yes.
Amy - Then what do I do?
Blog - Duck.
Amy - Thanks for the advice.
Blog - Sure.

Blogging when you've taken 'stupid pills' just might not work out very well.

I learnt the hard way.

Ok. I'm gonna talk about my finals.

So you see, my school, the extremely smart school, decided to break the finals into two phases. Phase one started on the 13th of October and ended on the 17th of October. The exams will resume two weeks later which is when phase 2 starts. It will go on from the 3rd of November till the last day of school. Sucky, isnt it?..

Among the papers we sat for in Phase 1 were Chem 3, Moral, English, BM, EST, Maths and Add freaking maths.

Among all those papers, I only concentrated on 4, Chem, BI, BM, Est. The rest shall rest in peace. It is so dead. So dead.

But after all thats said and done, WHO GIVES A DAMN?....I'm gonna be in the same class, same classmates. Like I said, who cares?...

I do not know where this part of me has emerged from but all I know is I am feeling extremely rebellious these days. Trouble is a part of me. Lets pray it doesnt extend till next year.

Fun Activities next year :

1] SPM. [Bluek]
2] Driver's licence. [Liberation, finally]
3] PLKN. [I dont wanna go!]
4] 17th B'day. [Age is catching up with me] [Botox, please]
5] Graduation. [I dont wanna leave high school]
6] Prom night. [Marks the end of SPM, hurrah]
7] Christmas. [Prezzies!] [I want one from every reader]

I cant believe how fast this year has gone past. Time really flew at turbo speed. I cant imagine life without seeing the besties everyday. It's crazily depressing but yet intriguing as well. I ponder my future. Should I stay? Should I leave? Will I be homesick? Will I regret staying?..

I tell you what. I'll leave it up to the one who knows best. Yes, God, You know who I'm referring to.

After all, He's got me here and I'm still in one piece. Just keep going, God. You're doing great.

And I pray you'll be alright, my little princess.

No one will touch you when I'm around.

I promise you that.

No one.

I pray that everyone around me will still be around even when I'm gone.

I dont think I'll be able to cope with anyone leaving me again.

Please, dont go.

Keep them safe in your sight, Lord.

These are my prayers. Answer them, I pray.

I treasure each and everyone of you in my heart. Yes, you too.

I'll never forget you.

My heart is pounding so hard that it deafens me.

Amy. The Actress, in her own life.

16.

2008-10-07T21:18:00.005+08:00

Voila. I'm back. Its been a while.

So yeah. I had my sweet sixteenth party the other day and since this was a family function the guest list was pretty long. The attire for the night was either a football jersey or floral shorts. I was really, really happy coz everyone turned up according to the theme. I didnt think they would. It was so awesome. Except for the part when the MU fans who wore their jersey started singing 'Glory, glory Man United'. That sucked. Ah well, Chelsea's top so, no worries. And yeah, here are a few of the pics taken.

My cake. Nice, huh?

Me and my youngest uncle.

Me, smashing cake into my sisters face. Fun!

Owww.

2008-09-11T20:51:00.002+08:00

I wanna go to the City of Lights! I shall one day and that day is eagerly awaited. Sorry, just out of the blue right.

Lets hit it off.

I did not go to school today as I had other things in mind. I was supposed to be resting at home but in the end my day was so hectic I might have done less in school after all. I went to the police station early to collect the results to the police report my mum launched after her accident. A whole other story which shall be explained another day. Well anyways, we were not fined and instead the other guy had to pay. Then we went to bangsar for lunch. Then my mum and I went shopping in all the little boutique's in Bangsar.

Love them shops. Tried on a gazillion dresses. Did not like any. Hid behind one shelf coz I saw my agent in a shop and I was supposed to be ill at home. yikes!....Then I went to do threading and I cried so much the lady actually laughed at me. It was so freaking painful.Trust me, you should not try it. Then we went to my aunty's house for tea and she laughed and laughed at me. After all the jesting aimed at me, I went home and took it out on my guitar. I'm kinda caught up with the song sempurna and leaving on a jetplane. These two songs sound really good on the guitar. Then annoyed my sister and fell asleep on my pile of clothes on the bed. I was picking out what to wear for a function. =]

Ah well. I better get going. My whole forehead is so freaking sore. I hate it. Never gonna do threading again. not if you paid me a million bucks. NEVER.

Ciao.

Amy.

2008-07-25T19:45:00.002+08:00

Whoa...its been really long since I last updated...geez..old lady must have forgotten all about her blog...

I think I have forgotten how to blog....lol..well nothing much has changed...I'm still me...I still skip classes...I have yet to score an A in add maths...I have quit UBS...I'm clubless...I...I better stop writing like this...

Lets start over...today was pretty fun in class...we laughed non-stop and my jaw is still pretty sore from that tennis ball, [jase]..all on you...next time aim for the ground instead of my face...even though we had all our teachers in class it was still a pretty memorable day...my bag strap broke and I had to carry it on one shoulder....Jean and I laughed our heads off when Annesha entered the sejarah class..she was like dancing infront there instead of giving a reason as to why she was late to class...so freakin hilarious...very, very fun day...came back and watched P.S I love you for the 200th time..I've memorised all the lines already...I love that show...After that they wanted to watch that stupid superhero movie but I didnt watch..its too stupid...I seriously cannot wait to watch dark knight...we're goin to times square for Daphne's b'day party and we might go bowling, or neway or dark knight but we're not sure yet...

Well thats all for now I guess,

Till next time.

P.S. I love me.

Father's day.

2008-06-15T21:10:00.004+08:00

This father's day was pretty uneventful actually. My cousins came around and all the father's cut up and destroyed the beautiful chocolate mud cake from secret recipe. I was actually pretty pensieve throughtout this whole father's day. I think it had something to do with the face that I was recovering from a hurting heart. It was caused by my dad. His godson gave him a bouquet of flowers and I didnt get him anything. but thats only coz we were so busy this whole weekend. I actually wanted to take him out to dinner but he said that this weekend was too crammed. But thats not my main point. The reason I'm hurting is coz my dad turned around and said to me, I quote, 'Even my godson can get me something, but my daughters?'...This hurt me so bad. I didnt talk to him the entire journey home from church. How could he say that?...he was the one who refused a gift and said we didnt have to get him anything, but when we want to do something, he refuses and we get the blame. This hurts, man.

As I run my fingers through your hair, I am reminded of what used to be.

Peace,
Amy.

Emoed up.

2008-06-10T19:21:00.000+08:00

Just let me hold you while we are falling apart.

Yesterday and today have gone past in a blink. The results that came back were as expected, horrifying. But what truly pissed me off was HER comment about my absence in class. Hell. I've been attending all her classes ever since she made that snide comment about me not being in her class. How could she?..She actually expressed her surprise concerning me presence. What the hell was that all about?....So so pissing off. And her stupid lectures were obviously aimed at me.

Some of its just transcendental. Some of its just really dumb.

Enough about HER.

But I, I love it when you read to me. And you, you can read me anything.

The hols were kinda subdued coz I didnt go out much. Except to Bangsar. Everyday. I dont really wanna talk about it.

The book of love has music in it. In fact, thats where music comes from.

I have to make a really huge decision. Its pretty much eating me from the inside. But I cannot take it anymore. Its UBS. I am supposed to go for my Kursus Peningkatan this weekend but I really cant coz I've got a 21st birthday and also an engagement to attend. Not only that, I will also be missing my tuition at Subash which is really important. I have to do it. I have to quit. I know that some people will be really disappointed that I have given up so easily on UBS but there are underlying issues that have yet to be resolved. I dont think it will ever be. But to those whom I have let down, I am sorry but maybe this isnt what I was made for. This decision was made and taken action against with painstaking thinking. Maybe it isnt the best solution but, hey, who knows whats right and wrong. I'm sorry.

The book of love is long and boring. And written very long ago. Its full of flowers and heart shaped boxes and things we're all too young to see.

And I, I love it when you give me things. And you, you are to give me wedding rings.

Till we meet again.

[a][m][y]

Greyscale.

2008-05-18T17:49:00.000+08:00

Holy crap. I just realised that the ENTIRE weekend was spent watching tennis, badminton and AMERICAN IDOL. and also P.S I love you. But American Idol mostly.

I just have to say that David Cook makes me go lala!...He is so dark and misterious and HOT. So original compared to David Archuleta. The song "always be my baby" was so nice I've listened to it more than 200 times. So nice, man. I really hope he wins. He deserves it much more.

Today [sunday], saw the sacrament of confirmation being held in my church. It was pretty long coz there were 77 candidates. All the form fives were dressed to the nines. The whole front portion of the church was like, white. Next year it will be yours truly's turn, and I'm so excited I can barely wait. The camp and being confirmed with the people whom you've known since like 5 years old. Most of them grew up with me basically. These are the people I really do cherish. Them and the original besties in school. Love them to bits. I cant wait. I'm gonna go shopping for my outfit from now on. :]

The holidays are so freakin hectic, man. Even before they arrive I fell like they are gone. Checking my schedule, I just realised I'll be so fully packed that it wont even feel like a holiday. Damn it.

Read between the lines, wont you?

I got pretty annoyed in church today. Everyone kept asking me why I'm not in white. They all thought I was receiving confirmation. Like hello!? Next year, dudes. Get your years right.

I'm feeling pretty lazy now so I'm gonna stop here. :]

Ciao.

me.

Friday's.

2008-05-17T14:17:00.000+08:00

Before going to bangsar the other day, my uncle realised that he had misplaced a pair of timberland shoes that he had just bought for 450 bucks. He was packing and he remembered that he hadnt had it in his hands when he came in the house. So we went to times square to find it in the 2 possible places where he could have left it which was nichi and metro. When he went into nichi, the salesgirl remembered him from 2 days before and told him he had left his shoes. He was so happy, I tell you. The holiday would have been sour if the shoes hadnt been located. Luck comes unexpectedly, huh?

When you go, would you even turn to say I dont love you like I loved you yesterday?

The EST and sivik papers were pretty easy. I guess the panic attack before the exams were totally unnecessary. But who wouldnt freak out. Suddenly I step in the class and everyone is studying for sivik and I, the genius, left my book in the locker coz I figured sivik required no studying. The everyone was like asking me questions from the textbook and I was sooo blurr. I thought sivik only requires common sense.

How am I supposed to breathe when you leave me no air?

So, as a remedy I went outside and tried to do some crash studying. Nothing really went into my head. sigh...but when the paper came, I could have laughed out loud. All those fools were studying and wasting time studying sivik when in truth, I was right. It only took some common sense. Nothing came out. The tokoh question was also basically common sense. I mean, who doesnt know what Jimmy Choo achieved?...Everyone does, which is exactly my point.

You will never intimidate me, no matter how you try.

In the night, we went to bukit bintang to eat in the Ship. It was our mother's day present. I havent eaten in the bukit bintang ship for ages. We usually go to the other one, a walking distance from the bukit bintang one. My mom, sis and I all had chicken maryland and my dad had his favourite black pepper steak and shark's fin soup. It was relly fun coz after everyone from overseas had gone back, we finally sat down to eat as a family again. But I kinda miss them already. We see them pretty rarely. Once a year or sometimes once in 2 years. Hopefully my mom and I will go there soon. I wanna see melbourne.

Thats basically it, I guess. Till next time.

.I.Dont.Love.You.

Do.I?

.ciao.

P.S. I.Dont.Know.

We've got chemistry, dude!

2008-05-15T15:16:00.000+08:00

Chemistry was pretty good today. By far the best paper I've sat for. All the last minute panicking was for nothing. Eventhough paper 1 was a shooting range, paper 2 was pretty much alright. Tommorow is the 2 subjects that only require common sense to be answered. EST the last time round wasnt all that great, so this time I'm out for revenge. Hopefully my chem marks will be as good as the last time. Dont think there's a chance but a girl can hope, right?...

Damn tired today. Will be going to Bangsar later. More shopping. but I'm not tired of it. Yet.

Sigh. that will be all I guess. I'm exhausted.

ciao.

Magical sejarah. NOT.

2008-05-13T14:40:00.000+08:00

There goes another paper that I screwed up. In fact, I wasnt the only one. Screw sejarah lah. Paper 1 was pretty good but Paper 2 will seal my low marks.

You are not what I thought you were.

Went to school and studied sejarah till like 8.57 and the exam starts at 9.00. Last minute huh?...Went to the library earlier but got chased out by the nut who doesnt have a life. Went back to class to find it noisy and retarded as usual. We, that is Melia, Jean and I, wanted to study outside so we sat at the bilik akses but it was so noisy. No wonder sejarah was hard. How do you expect to know anything if you keep talking and laughing and flirting?...Kah Mun was there to help us. Thank God for her. If it werent for her help, I wouldnt have been able to answer my essay question. She asked me the question just 2 seconds before the exam started and I managed to find the answer just in time.

Convince me to believe you.

Went to 1 utama yesterday. walked from one corner of the world to the other. bought my sis ice-cream and a couple of bangles. Didnt buy anything for myself. wanted to get a couple of chelsea badges but decided against it. I have too many of them. I even stuck one onto my lampshade. lol. Went to nike and adidas to find a t-shirt. Guess what?..The only t-shirt with my favourite design was pink. PINK. who wears a pink nike t-shirt. Adidas had a blue tee that was nice but the sizes were too big for me. sigh. next item on the list was a pencil case. couldnt find one even after searching for 3 whole hours. nevermind. maybe KLCC or mid valley will have what I like.

You leave no air for me to breathe.

2008-05-09T15:20:00.000+08:00

Let me describe physics. I can do it in one word. DISASTEROUS.

Paper 2 was horrible cos Mr. R gave us the wrong correction for physics and the whole class ended up losing 6 marks. each.

Thanks a bunch, Mr. R.

The damn school had no electricity. I guess they didnt pay the bill or something. bt at least it came back during assembly. Had to do some last minute studying using only the sunrise. Natural, huh?

Thank goodness for paper 1. The only tihng I liked in paper 2 was the essay. The only thing was was nice. Paper 1 was okey lah. I guess. We finally sat for our beloved objective paper that we miss so much. Its maths on Monday and I'm getting cold sweat for it. The damn mathematical reasoning is so confusing.

In other ways, today was pretty normal. No weird fights. No oddie. No gossiping. Nothing much lah actually. Came out of school at 12.20. I had to send the book to the office and yet I reached faster than the others. sigh. Slow lah.

Dinner on Wednesday was actually bearable. My aunts cheered me up by getting me gifts from S'pore. Got a new watch and cash for my PMR results. Then they were like, study hard ah. Continue getting straight A's ok. And I'm thinking to myself...how do I maintain straights when chemistry is so confusing and bm is so tough and physics is damn hard and even english lost its appeal?...I'm not saying anything about add maths cos I'm dropping it next year so why bother.

Sigh. Expectations are pretty high,huh?...My sis can get C's and D's and nothing is said about that. Pressure arising.

God must really love stupid people, huh?..He made so may of them.

I've got a damn migraine and its so bad I cant even think straight anymore. I actually thought of bathing with shampoo. Crazy, huh?

Innocent we are. But guilt is so contagious.

Miss Oh-so-innocent.

[a][m][y]

Oh gosh...How do I get through this?

2008-05-07T14:09:00.000+08:00

I couldnt help it. I had to come home and cry. I screwed up ENGLISH. Its ENGLISH. No one screws up in English. Yeap. No one but me. Oh, why do this to me?...You could have just smothered me with my pillow or something last night.

What happened to forever?...It seems like forever is beginning to crack.

Or maybe its just me.

Tears well up in my eyes when I remember the moments of pain I went through 12 years ago.

Its my grandpa's 12 year death anniversary.

Why did God take him away from me.

I was so young. So sick and sad of all this needless pain.

I love you too much.

I have officially screwed up both the language exams.

Later, when I go for the "dinner", questions will arise on why I am so sullen and moody.

I would have to lift my head up when I feel like crying and say everything is fine when in truth, nothing was fine to begin with.

Why?.Why?

Maybe things will be brighter tommorow. Nah. Who am I kidding?.

Its freaking moral.

When is moral ever a brighter option.

Where is my knight in shining armour.

I need you desperately.

Talk me into living for tommorow.

I might just quit.

I need you.

Whoever you are, come save me, quick.

Inevitably, all my troubles will be back again.

And once again, life will appear to be a dark hole with no escape route.

Lets hope this time things will be a little tweaked.

Smile for me. Just once.

Love me. Hate me.

A.M.Y.

The sweetest memory.

2008-05-02T12:11:00.000+08:00

Aku yang lemah tanpamu
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang t'lah hilang
Darimu yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itu pun aku mampu
Untuk mengenangmu

Darimu kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati

Chorus :

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau
Kenangan yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang t'lah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

Darimu kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati

Love song.

2008-05-02T12:06:00.000+08:00

Head under water
And you tell me
To breathe easy for awhile
The breathing gets harder
Even I know that
Made room for meI
t's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually hard to hold on to
Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song
Cause you ask for it
Cause you need one
You see, I'm not gonna write you a long song
Cause you tell me it's make or breakin' this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leavin'
I'm gonna need a better reason
To write you a love song
Today
Today..

I learnt the hard way
That they all say
Things you wanna hear
My heavy heart sinks deep down under
You and Your twisted words
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry

Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
Cause you asked for it
Cause you need one
You see, I'm not gonna write you a love song
Cause you tell me it's make or breakin' this
If you're on your wayI'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leavin'
I'm gonna need a better reason
To write you a love song today

Promise me
You'll leave the light on
To help me see
The daylight my guide, gone
Cause I believe
There's a way
You can love me
Because I say

I won't write you a love song
Cause you ask for it
Cause you need one
You see, I'm not gonna write you a love song
Cause you tell me it's make or breakin' this
Is that why you wanted a love song?
Cause you asked for it
Cause you need one
You see I'm not gonna write you a love song
Cause you tell me it's make or breakin this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I walk the seven seas
When I believe that there's a reason to write you a love song
Today.Today..

How shall I put it?

2008-05-02T11:49:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was pretty ordinary. That is weird. With me, ordinary is out of the ordinary. I went to Sunway Pyramid and bought a pink top. We had lunch in Manhattan Fish Market and went to parkson to get my sisters outfit. I got so frustrated when she was picking out her clothes. EVERYTHING WAS SUCKY FOR HER. I MEAN EVERYTHING. How can anyone stand that. My mom and I were both getting damn pissed off. Finally me mom gave her a choice. To buy the clothes that my mom chose, or wear her old clothes. She finally relented and bought a skirt and a top. When I was at the height of my anger, I didnt want to explode so I went off to the Adidas section. I wanted to get my dad a t-shirt or jersey but 2 minutes later my sister is shouting at me from the other corner of the world to come over there. I went over but when I got there she said " oh, you were there ah?...ok lah, then."...arggghhhh. I was so angry that I shouted at her in the middle of the kids section. Even the salesgirls turned to look. My sister just stood there with this annoying defiant expression like as though she was innocent. My mom came rushing over, which was probably cos I sounded like I was gonna kill her at that point. Who wouldnt?...Then my mom said no more shopping for her clothes already and then we went to look for mine. Which is where my pink top comes in. Its really bright like the moto razr kind of colour. I'm really happy with it. First time buying something pink that my mom didnt choose. hahahhaha.

.me.

Expectations of a broken soul.

2008-04-30T14:16:00.000+08:00

Why does everyone expect so much of me.
I am not perfect and never will I be.
How much longer must I withstand this amounting pressure.
It seems like the world is being placed upon my shoulders.
I cant go on.

There are days when I feel like crying.
But those days pass and I'm left feeling as empty as before.
I know I cant be daddy's little girl forever.
But I dont wanna relinquish my title.
I was born first, mind you.

Her side is where everyone is on.
I am left standing alone with my judgement.
Your failing attempt to decipher my mind is exactly what it is.
A complete failure.
What will tommorow amount to?
Only God knows.
But as they all say,
Que sera, sera.

Another lonely day without you.